Trying to be happy

So I found out that a good friend of mine is pregnant. I am over the moon for her. I just am a little bit envious  I guess of her. I know she is going to be happy. Its bitter moment.

Missing someone.

So I knew this guy for like ever. I dated him before I dated adrians father. Then when his dad made move out and we broke up. I got with L, 3 weeks after we had been broken up. Things between L and I were good. He was signing up for the army and he was going to basic. Then adrians dad got in my head and it caused problems with us.

I go back to him and that time, and I wish we could just turn back time. I know it's not possible but its one of those times where I was strong and I wished I could stay strong because I had a rock. And it was more than that. He cared about Adrian. I know I gotta move on.

It's times like now I'm kicking myself in thinking, I maybe had pushed the right guy away because I regret my past too much. I still have to have some kind of faith in everything and hope everything will work out for the best.

What am I doing with my life?

What am I doing with my life? I am not doing anything. Im a mom to a soon to be 6 year old. And I dont have a career or any schooling other than a GED. Yes I have goals. But where are my goals really getting me sitting on this couch typing this. And all of this is sparked because I started looking at college courses. I want to start schooling but I also want a car to take me places so I can do this stuff. Being a grown up is so hard.

New Year and positive thinking

I know that it's not the first of the year. But I didn't start thinking like this until now.  I have been so negative about so much latey and that needs to change.  I realize that i need to be a better mother to Adrian and a better person for myself.  Im not completely going to do a change overnight. But i will make changes little by little.  I hope this year will be a start of good and better things for me.  Hell maybe by 2014 we can get a dog.  Yay right?